Allergyboy

Abante Tonite, one of the country’s most provocative and reliable (don’t forget CLASSY) publications, has an amazing program that will bring the Filipino people even closer to God… through text. Yes. Through text. We are the self-proclaimed text capital of the world. We text everyone. We text our friends, our family members, and random strangers from the internet who may or may not be transvestites. So why not text God as well? And through Abante Tonite’s Cyber Prayer Program, it is certain that the Lord Almighty will get that message.
Let’s take a look at some of our fellow believers’ pleadings and supplications, shall we?

Texter #1 wants a boyfriend:
You know what? I can relate to her desperation. Sometimes… when I’m feeling down and out… after I’ve stumbled and fallen… and I mean in the literal sense of tripping and twisting an ankle… I pray to God. I pray to God to give me a BIGGER BUTT. Because I have - to be more accurate - NO BUTT. And sometimes I think to myself that if only I had some more weight around my posterior region, then maybe… just maybe… my body would be more balanced (literally). And maybe then… just then… I would stop tripping and falling all the time! Why, GOD? WHY?!?!

So yeah. I can definitely relate to Texter #1.

Texter #2 is a single mother who needs a male nanny or what is otherwise known as a  MANNY:
[UPDATE: 28-Aug-2006 4:30pm] For the benefit of those who are reading this, I’ve decided to translate the message displayed above into a more understandable format:

Lord sna po lage u. bntayn ang 2 kidz me
Translation: Lord, sana po lagi ninyong bantayang ang dalawa kong anak.

kz lam u. po lana cla ng fother.
Translation: Kasi alam niyo po, wala na silang “fother” (in fairness may British accent daw siya).

at me na ang pa2 me pa ang ma2.
Translation: At ako na ang papa, ako pa ang mama.

thankz. lord.
Translation: Thanks. Lord.

First of all, I absolutely love how respectful she is by repeatedly saying "po" which is, of course, the Filipino expression for respect. God, after all, deserves no less than our sincerest respect. I also love how she randomly inserts a period eventhough the sentence clearly isn’t finished. Yet. And her spelling - love it! When she said, "me na ang pa2", at first I thought, "pa2? she’s a duck?" and then she said "me pa ang ma2" so I immediately realized that she meant pa2 is to papa as ma2 is to mama. Oh Texter #2, you’re so tricky talaga. I’m quite confused with how she ended her message though. Does she just want to say "lord" one last time? Or is that by any chance her name, too? You know how you sometimes end short notes with just your name? Like this:

Hi, Filemona.

Don’t forget to buy the bangus for dinner.

Procopio

I’m quite puzzled. But at any rate, let’s all come together in a moment of prayer for our two texters and recite one "Our fOther"…

AMEN.

Do you remember that TV commercial? It starts out with this boy and his buddies, and he’s on the phone and says, “We’re on our way!” And then on the other end there’s this girl, and she says, “Yeah! They’re coming!” Then all her other gal pals start giggling in excitement, and they were all dressed in clothes that just totally screamed “OMG it’s the 80s YAY!!!” Then the theme song starts playing and it suspiciously sounds like Bon Jovi’s “Living On A Prayer”. C’mon, sing it with me…

And-a-ONE-and-a-TWO:
O-Oh! Way to go, ZESTO! Cool and refreshing, that’s the way to go-oh! O-Oh! Way to go, Zesto!
(Oh I know you we’re just totally singing it. While dancing the running man, too.)

So the song’s playing and then you see the boys, and you know they would have gotten to the girl’s sooner except they decided to dance the entire way instead of walking (or maybe even riding their BMX bikes).

I wonder whatever happened to those kids.

Approximately 2 minutes ago, this was a box filled with macadamia nuts covered with thick, rich and delicious milk chocolate.

And then it met me.

BooBoo’s been kinda lonely lately. So I cloned him.

Friend Sam thinks I should make a spoof of some sort that involves sneezing (or more accurately, SNEZING), my profile pic and this stunning image of Jessica Simpson. So I made photoshop-photoshop in my kimpyuter and came up with this:

That is how I look like when my allergies act up.