Allergyboy

Whenever I hear, read or see anything about Imelda Marcos, I always assume that it’s a mockery of some sort that pokes fun at her and all the lose screws that can no longer hold her brain together. Whatever it is, be it a story, a news article or a documentary, no matter how serious, it just all seems CRAZY to me - like it’s something I should be watching on Chappelle’s Show or Saturday Night Live (when it was still funny). I just see a picture of her and all I can think of is NUTCASE. She’s always completely made up, wearing ostentatious jewelry and some old-style Philippine gown. Ask yourself, have you actually ever seen the woman in anything other than her Maria Clara couture? I think she even poops and sleeps in them. And the hair. Oh my god the FUCKING hair. It’s hair-sprayed to complete and utter hardness that it looks bullet proof. And I also heard of this one story where years ago, she decided to construct rows of toilets in some area in hopes that poor people would build their shanties around it so that they would at least have a place to move their bowels. People stared calling it “Kubeta Hill”.

Anyway, the reason I bring her up, other than the fact that I wanna make fun of her hair is that I read her on TIME Asia today. Yes, they wrote about her. They devoted an entire page talking about her, how she kissed Chairman Mao’s hand, how Fidel Castro was her chauffer for a day and how she fully believes that she could have persuaded Saddam Hussein to surrender by simply talking to her. OH MY GOD CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE GIVE THE WOMAN SOME CRAZY PILLS. All her actions are CLEARLY desperate cries for help. And then she continues on to say that she has a plan where she will come up with a project that will eradicate poverty in the Philippines in two years. Well good luck, Mrs. Marcos. I honestly hope that little project of yours comes true. But if not, don’t worry. I’m pretty sure some homeless person with an upset stomach thanks you for the toilet.

I played my first “real” poker game the other night. It was my friend Maite’s birthday, and after dinner, we decided to head on over to our other friend Tin’s house to play. I call this my first “real” poker game because it was the first time I actually put out real money (albeit a measly 50 pesos). In fact, I would have gladly paid more to have a fun night with some of my most beloved friends (oh how cheesy). I proudly finished third, before I had to sit in our make-shift loser’s lounge. Let’s face it, not winning a 350 peso pot isn’t exactly something to be sad about.

Now before I go any further in this tale, I must tell you that this poker game was special. It was unique and unconventional, as we would later find out. Here’s the story:

So we had already gotten into the swing of things and most of us were putting our game faces on. And in this next round that commenced, four of us ended up playing until all the cards were layed out (there were seven players - Maite and her boyfriend, Dennis, who I used to think was imaginary, were playing as one person). Now since most of us in the game weren’t particularly good at bluffing, it was almost certain that we all had good hands. I, for one, had an Ace of Hearts in my hand and then an Ace of Clubs came out when the community cards were drawn. So I figured I’d bet until the end because a pair of Aces gives me a good chance at winning. And as it turned out, the three other remaining players decided to do the same. So when it came time to show our cards, I proudly presented my Ace of Hearts. While RJ showed us his Ace of Diamonds. And then there was Paul with his Ace of Spades. And lastly, Donna, with her Ace of… SPADES? Wait a minute… An Ace of Hearts, an Ace of Diamonds, an Ace of Clubs and TWO ACE OF SPADES? HUUWAT?! And there it was, layed out in front of our eyes was a poker game with 5 ACES! And there we were, bursting out in laughter upon realizing that we had been playing poker for atleast an hour using a bogus deck that, after an official count, actually had 59 cards. Who needs a joker, eh?