Allergyboy

Amoy utot…

Eeew…

I set my alarm at 9am the other day because I was planning on leaving the house by 10 to make it in time for a 10:30 appointment. But being the energetic, morning person that I am, the alarm actually woke me up at 9:58am! Yes, it was beeping the whole time within 10 minute intervals and it failed to wake me up until 58 minutes after the first beep. Now normally, any sane individual would feel an adrenaline rush immediately upon realizing that he is about to be late for something. He would jump out of bed and in a mad rush, try to get ready as fast possible. But, as you all know, I am not like any other individual, nor am I considered sane. So what do I do? I remain in bed and begin to contemplate, "would it be possible for me to get ready in 2 minutes?" To which I answer, "ofcourse not." So I slowly get off the bed and begin getting ready, acting completely oblivious to the fact that I. WILL. BE. LATE.

Where is my sense of urgency? I used to have it when I was younger. Alarms never woke me up on time, that’s for sure. In fact, it was the schoolbus horn that would wake me up instead, or my mother’s voice screaming, "punyeta! late ka nanaman! hay nako ‘tong batang to!". But I still did the mad rush thing everytime. I would get ready in about 10 minutes. Shower. Toothbrush. Matching socks and all. But now, it takes me 10 minutes to just wash my hair. So, where is my sense of urgency? Is this a product of old age (if I say I’m a quarter of a century old, it makes me sound ancient)? I think I dropped it somewhere back in 1998. Oh well. Maybe I should consider it a blessing that I have the ability to remain calm (or more like mope around) in stressful instances that require expeditiousness and rapidity (this opposed to having a nervous breakdown). Anyway, I think I have to end this post. I’m late for another appointment.

Nooninooninoo…

The photo you see above is the product of going a few days without sleep. Notice the sunken eyes, awful complexion and disheveled hair. I do not even know how I managed to let out a smile and flash my tubig poso colored teeth. A photo like this, dear readers, is not of the "friendster profile" picture quality. A photo like this will not entice people to "friend" you.

However…

The great philosopher, Paris Hilton, once said that "we are all beautiful on the inside". And I dare not believe otherwise because only wisdom cometh out of Paris Hilton’s mouth (plus the occasional herpes outbreak). You see, no matter how unflattering that photo of mine may be, inside my heart I see a person who has smooth skin, a shining white smile and puppy dog eyes that will melt even the hardest of hearts. And this can come through, dear readers. The beauty inside of us has the power to break free and shatter the confines of the aging shell which is our physical body. It can do so with the help of technology. It can do so with Photoshop. It can do so with the MAGIC of Photoshop…

TA-DA! Just call me Vicky ADOBElo… Get it? Vicky? As in Vicky Belo. Adobe? As in Adobe Photoshop. Get it? Get it!? Har-har-har…

Today I discovered that my pretty, pretty friendster blog has been victimized by evil, horny spammers! You see, while checking my trackbacks, I was utterly shocked to realize that over 100 sites had pinged my obscure and humble blog. I asked myself, "who on earth could be pinging my site?" So I checked. And much to my surprise, there were hundreds of links to porn sites - big boobies, latina hotties, gang bangs r us, gay orgies, sex sex sex - HUNDREDS OF LINKS, I tell you! But nothing could have prepared me for this one particular link that stood out. It stood out from the rest like a nipple on a cold winter’s night. It was completely shocking… utterly scandalous… And it said… (pause for dramatic effect)…

"RATE MY CAMELTOE"

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

My oh my, what a day of tomfoolery this has been.

P.S.
If your looking for the links (you horny bastards), don’t bother. I’ve deleted them already.

P.P.S
If you don’t know what a cameltoe is, click here.

TOMFOOLERY
tom·fool·er·y n.
pl. tom·fool·er·ies

1. Foolish behavior.
2. Something trivial or foolish; nonsense.

Now isn’t tomfoolery such a lovely word? It’s so fancy. Instead of saying, “Henry, stop acting like an idiot!”, you can say, “Henry, I demand that you cease this tomfoolery at once!”

Now, I shall cease my own tomfoolery and get back to work. Have a nice day!