Allergyboy

Pictured above is the guy who, supposedly based on an Internet survey, won the title for the "World’s Best Looking Man". As always, titles like these go to some sharp-featured, exotic looking, mix-breed who was born in some British colonial country, grew up all over the world and can speak five different languages. People like them are never good for one’s self-esteem.

However…

Out there in this wonderful world are amazingly brave men who will challenge the unreasonable norms of this superficial society. Men with confidence as large as their pot bellies. Men who, however flat-nosed and buck-toothed, shout out unto the world and say, "we deserve your adulation, admiration and adoration because we, too, are beautiful."

And so without further ado, my dear readers, I present to you…

Wouldn’t you love to take him home to your mother?

*Disclaimer: do not read if any discussions involving shit offends you

I am certain everyone knows that when you eat corn, you end up with turds nicely decorated with yellow beads in your next poop session. This poop is more popularly known as corn poopy (as you can see in my blog title). Now, you are not actually pooping entire clumps of corn kernels in their pre-digested form. It is simply the outer coating of each kernel that leaves your body undigested, while what’s inside of it is digested and provides our bodies with much needed beta-carotene. So why does this yellow coating retain its form even after it has been soaked in gastric juice from our digestive system. You see, this magical occurence happens because that yellow coating is made up almost entirely of cellulose - a naturaly occuring material that forms the primary structural component of plants which just so happens to be idigestible by humans. Henceforth, we end up with shit that look like tacky, morrocan ornaments.

But today I am faced with perplexity. You see, the last time I recall having corn poopy was when I was 13 years old during my 7th grade retreat. There, we were fed copious amounts of corn on the first day. I could not forget this because the other boys in our class did not flush. The next day, I was shocked to find rows of toilets filled with corn-filled, fecal matter. To this day, I am haunted by those images.

So back to my problem…

You see, yesterday, I had corn (lots of it). Yet after three bowel moving sessions leading up to today, absolutely no trace of corn has exited my sphincter. And then it hit me… I have not had corn poopy since that fateful day when I was 13 years old. I am puzzled and bamboozled, dumbfounded and confounded. My research tells me that the only way to avoid corn poopy is to not have corn at all. So to put me at ease in this confused state, I have come up with three utterly baseless theories as to why the corn has not materialized in my poop:

#1 Corn producers from all over the world have been genetically modifying corn so as to replace the cellulose with some form of digestible matter (mutant corn, if you will).

#2 I myself have mutated to become a being who is able to digest cellulose.

#3 All the corn is lodged somewhere down a kink in my intestine leaving me with an acute desire to find out how a colonix feels like.

So there you have it, dear readers (I think there are four of you). Please do send me your thoughts on the matter at hand. They will be greatly appreciated.

And that concludes my semi-educational post for today. My good, good friend has been DEMANDING an update from me for weeks. She must thank my poop for providing the much needed inspiration for this entry. So I leave you today with a modified quote:

“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, and all that fiber improves digestion…”

Have a good day!